It’s another new day of quarantine at home for some Americans, but for others in states that have eased up on shelter-in-place restrictions, the outside world awaits.
Of course, not everyone agrees that folks should be in a rush to get back to their normal lives—and that includes the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases director (and coronavirus expert) Dr. Anthony Fauci. In a rare opportunity to speak to the Senate without President Donald Trump looming over him, Fauci warned about the dangers of reopening states too soon on Tuesday.
Late-night hosts tuned in to the hearing and, naturally, they had a lot to say about Fauci’s comments and how they compared to claims that America has “prevailed,” which were made by the president on the exact same day.
Check out some of the best moments from last night’s late-night below.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
If there’s one thing Colbert has learned about Fauci from the few times that he’s spoken to the public, it’s that the doctor does not beat around the bush.
“The country is starting to open up a little bit, but maybe too much of a little bit—at least, according to infectious disease expert and little boy in a sweet shop indicating which toffee he would like, Dr. Anthony Fauci. In a preview of his testimony today, Fauci warned that reopening the economy too soon would cause ‘needless suffering and death.’ No need to sugarcoat it, doc,” Colbert said. “Although sugarcoating is a good way to get Trump’s attention. It’s what Eric does. It gets pretty sticky.”
Although Fauci’s candor gave Colbert the heebie-jeebies, the host thought the doctor’s stance on reopening the economy during the pandemic was more comforting than Trump’s “premature” claim that Americans have “met the moment, and we have prevailed.”
“Look, I think our country’s going to pull through this, but that seems a little premature. It’s like passing out cigars on the first date and yelling, ‘It’s a boy!'” Colbert said.
During his press conference on Tuesday, the president clarified that he was not talking about the coronavirus as a whole when he said America had won, but rather referring to the fact that states have prevailed over coronavirus testing.
“Oh, we’re prevailing on something we needed to do months ago. Just like Noah said in the Bible, ‘Lo, the flood may have drowned all of God’s creatures, but I finally finished my kicka** ark. Now let’s get two of every animal. Let’s see, two dead goats. I think those soggy things are hamsters,'” Colbert said. “So we’ve prevailed, but with a lot of qualifiers. I think his propaganda banner might need a slight change: ‘America leads the world in testing, but not for everyone. Terms and conditions apply. Side effects may include no testing.'”
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Kimmel was excited for the chance to see inside of Fauci’s house, but he was even more fascinated by the difference between the doctor’s views and Trump’s.
“Fauci told the New York Times yesterday reopening the country too soon could lead to needless suffering and death, which I think is Trump’s new campaign slogan. Fauci and Trump seem to have opposite views of how to handle this. Trump says we have prevailed on the same day everyone at the White House was required to wear a mask. So I guess it just comes down to who you believe: the doctor, who’s one of the world’s leading experts one infectious disease, or our personal pan president,” Kimmel said.
In an effort to better explain what Fauci meant when he warned against reopening the country too soon, Kimmel offered up a metaphor:
“Think of this lockdown as a scab—a big black scab on our nation’s face. It’s not pretty. In fact, it’s ugly, it’s awful, but it’s doing an important job. It’s healing and containing the wound. The best thing you can do with a scab is to be patient and let it fall off. Unfortunately, there are some impatient people who want to dig their tiny orange fingernails into this scab and rip it off early and eat it. And while that would feel good for like a second, if you rip off the scab and the wound is still bleeding under there, you have to start all over again with a new scab. So what Dr. Fauci is saying is the same thing your mother said: Don’t pick the scab.”
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Meanwhile, at the Fallon household, it was another night of Q&A with the late-night host and his wife, Nancy Juvonen. The big question for the couple: What was their wedding like? Fallon said the couple “had the best time ever,” but warned people planning to get married that they shouldn’t have their nuptials videotaped.
“You watch it back and you’re like, ‘Ooh,'” Fallon said, groaning.
Juvonen shared backstory on some of the more positive aspect. “We got engaged after dating for like three-plus years. It was in August, and then I had to go immediately start production on a film, on He’s Just Not That Into You. And as I’m doing that and [Jimmy’s] doing something else, we’re living in L.A. and we’re making these lists and lists and lists of people. And I’m like, ‘I don’t have any time to [plan this],'” she said. “We kept trying to talk to these wedding people, and they wanted to talk about napkins and things that we just could not have cared less [about], really, on any level.”
Luckily for the couple, the had friends in high places, and after a little bit of Thanksgiving cheer, they were able to tie the knot on Richard Branson’s private island, Necker Island. But the catch was that they were only able to rent out the island for a few days during Christmas break, so they had to quickly change their wedding date.
“We got this place for three days, so Jimmy goes, ‘What if we got married in three weeks, instead of next summer?’ And I’m like, ‘This is the best idea of all human time.’ So we had 12 people at our wedding. I just got a dress done as fast as I could. Some people are still mad. But no aunts came,” Juvonen said.
“It was us, brother, sister, best friends and parents,” Jimmy added. “And man, we had a rager time.”