I Work at a Fitness-Related Company. My Colleagues’ Reactions to My Major Weight Loss Are Concerning.

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Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

My job is fully remote, with quarterly in-person “conferences” that last a few days. My company is fitness-related, and people are paying a lot of attention to weight.

Over the past year, my doctor nailed down a long-term health condition I didn’t know I had, and we worked on treatment. As a result, I’ve lost about 60 pounds. Almost all of it was in my body. I still have round cheeks and a double chin. Over Zoom, I don’t look that different unless you’re looking for it.

Last time we had a “conference,” a lot of people made weird comments about my weight—questions about Ozempic (no, I haven’t taken it, but there’s no shame in needing it!) and people saying, “I never would have known you lost weight from your online look” (insulting). I suspect this time will be the same, since my weight loss has accelerated since then. How do I shut down these comments?

—Not Your Business

Dear Not Your Business,

Before we get to your question, I have a quick message to anyone who thinks it’s appropriate to compliment an acquaintance on their weight loss and ask how they did it. One of these days, someone is going to give you an answer you are not prepared for: a gastrointestinal disease, chemotherapy, or bereavement. This falls under the general prohibition against commenting on someone’s appearance at work (see: “Why are you so sweaty?” and “Those pants sure are tight”), but even more so because the poor person you’re talking to has probably heard unwelcome comments about their weight their entire lives.

Congratulations on identifying and managing a long-term health condition. I’m sorry your colleagues were rude and weird at your last in-person conference. This time, you know what to expect and can prepare some professional responses. If someone compliments you on how you look, flip your response to focus on how you feel: “I feel good, thank you.” If they ask you how you did it, you could explain that you’ve recently found a treatment for an undiagnosed condition. But that just rewards their rudeness and invites more questions, so it’s better to shut that question down entirely. You can do it politely by pointedly answering a question they didn’t explicitly ask: “My health is fine, thanks for asking.” Or you could be more direct: “Oh, that’s not something I talk about at work.” Accompany either response with a wave of your hand and a change of subject. If they persist: “I know you mean well, but that’s personal.” For more explicitly rude questions, practice giving them an unsmiling, eyebrows-raised look that says, Really?

You mention that your company is fitness-related, and it’s disappointing that your colleagues seem to equate “fit” with “skinny” rather than with actual health. You don’t owe your co-workers any details about your private life, but you do have a fresh insight into how biased their idea of fitness is. I wonder if their explicit or implicit focus on weight is putting off potential clients, partners, or customers. If you wanted to take on the larger issue, you could share your observations: “I’ve been surprised at how preoccupied our colleagues are with weight loss. I’m not sure that’s good for the staff or our company’s mission.” If your company has professional development funds, you might ask them to bring in a speaker who could share the latest research on how fitness is not dependent on weight.

—Laura

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