The Bidding War, at Crow’s Theatre, runs to Dec. 15.Supplied
- Title: The Bidding War
- Written by: Michael Ross Albert
- Director: Paolo Santalucia
- Actors: Peter Fernandes, Veronica Hortiguela, Fiona Reid, Gregory Waters, Gregory Prest, Amy Matysio, Izad Etemadi, Steven Sutcliffe, Sergio Di Zio, Sophia Walker, Aurora Browne
- Production & Venue: Crow’s Theatre
- City: Toronto
- Year: Runs to Dec. 15
It ain’t an easy time to buy a home in Canada. Interest rates are high; affordable new builds are being completed at a depressingly slow pace; mortgage prices in cities are dependably seven digits. Renting isn’t a lot better – the average apartment monthly lease price in Ontario is $2,350, and even higher in Toronto.
Michael Ross Albert’s The Bidding War, now playing in a fiercely funny world premiere at Toronto’s Crow’s Theatre, goes beyond the numbers of Canada’s real estate market, digging into the very souls of the people who grease the wheels of this country’s housing crisis. Throughout the play, Albert taps into millennial malaise with sparky dialogue and witty observations of how the rich get ever-richer in Toronto.
Though the script and production could benefit from some re-working – a very long first half leaves the second act feeling like an afterthought – The Bidding War is a sharp offering from one of the city’s most dependably entertaining playwrights.
When we first meet newbie realtor Sam, he’s staging a stylish living room for what should be a standard open house. (Peter Fernandes delightful as usual in the role, a whirlwind of nerves as he fluffs pillows, prepares hors d’oeuvres and manipulates potential buyers.) Sam’s been commissioned to sell this home after the death of one of its owners, a prolific sculptor. The sale will be split between his widow, who we never meet, and his daughter, fellow artist June (a sympathetic Veronica Hortiguela).
But this is no ordinary open house.
One by one we meet the individuals hell-bent on owning this home. There’s Miriam, a property-rich retiree looking to downsize (Fiona Reid is hilarious in the role), and OnlyFans model Charlie (Gregory Waters). Then, there are the couples: The pregnant, codependent Luke and Lara (Gregory Prest and Amy Matysio), and the queer lovebirds Donovan and Ian (Izad Etemadi and Steven Sutcliffe).
Aurora Browne in The Bidding War.Supplied
And, of course, there are the agents: Sam’s partner Greg (a very good Sergio Di Zio), the mercurial Patricia (Sophia Walker) and the downright evil Blayne (a knockout Aurora Browne).
That’s a lot of people to keep track of, and under Paolo Santalucia’s direction, The Bidding War often feels like a dizzying, dazzling three-ring circus. But the chaos is never so much that the play becomes confusing or unwatchable. The power of Albert’s writing comes from the depth of each character – no one personality quirk or idiosyncrasy is overplayed, and every seemingly throwaway joke comes home to roost in satisfying ways. You cannot possibly imagine what happens next when June hauls out her late father’s metallic bug sculptures; let’s just say it all gets a bit Oedipus Rex.
Add to a smart script a slick, spacious set by Ken MacKenzie and Sim Suzer and bang-on sound design by Olivia Wheeler, and you have a theatrical project that’s almost fabulous.
Almost.
Where The Bidding War falters is in its structure. The play boasts a first act well more than an hour in length, with a half-hour second act that feels more like an epilogue. Albert is a gifted writer of one-act plays (his Two Seconds to Midnight and The Huns are standout gems of recent Canadian playwriting), and it feels like The Bidding War would work better as an addition to that canon of one-acts.
As well, there’s a violent, topsy-turvy moment near the hour-mark of the first half, which on opening night felt so much like the finale before the intermission break that several audience members began to stand up, before they realized The Bidding War was still barrelling forward. While the actual end of the first act is the definition of catharsis, a mythic dose of karma for the pro-gentrification Blayne, The Bidding War feels dramaturgically uneven and, as a result, a bit long.
Structure aside, The Bidding War is a welcome follow-up to last year’s smash production of The Master Plan by Michael Healey. Together, the two plays form a perceptive snapshot of how it feels to live in Toronto, where real estate agents call multimillion dollar houses “starter homes” without a drop of irony. The Bidding War recovers from its intermission gaffe, and sticks its landing with a poignant observation from Fernandes’s Sam: No matter how unhinged an auction might get, there will always be another around the corner. The market giveth, and the market taketh away.
In the interest of consistency across all critics’ reviews, The Globe has eliminated its star-rating system in film and theatre to align with coverage of music, books, visual arts and dance. Instead, works of excellence will be noted with a critic’s pick designation across all coverage. (Television reviews, typically based on an incomplete season, are exempt.)