Nothing beats a cuddle sesh with your significant other, aside from a good night’s rest that is. Poor sleep quality, whether due to your partner’s snoring or their disruptive morning alarms, isn’t healthy or sustainable for you or your relationship. If you find yourself silently agreeing, know that you aren’t alone. In a new survey conducted by Talker Research, over half of respondents said sleeping next to their partner keeps them awake at night.
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One in seven people report getting a worse night’s sleep when sharing a bed with their partner, according to the survey commissioned by Avocado Green Mattress. Moreover, less than half of respondents said sleeping next to their partner has a positive impact on their sleep quality.
Research makes a case for both sides. For instance, a 2021 study published in the journal Sleep observed reduced sleep apnea risk, improved sleep quality, less fatigue, and overall greater life satisfaction in couples who slept in the same bed. Additionally, participants exhibited less anxiety and stress and had an easier time falling asleep, compared to couples who didn’t co-sleep.
Another study found that bed-sharing couples experience “increased and stabilized REM sleep.”
How well you sleep alongside your partner can also say a lot about your relationship, according to Thomas Michael Kilkenny, DO, director of the Institute of Sleep Medicine at Northwell Staten Island University Hospital.
“Sleeping in pairs can enhance physical and emotional security,” Kilkenny, told the New York Post. “The closer the couples are emotionally, the more synchronized the sleep becomes.”
But many couples would beg to differ.
Of the respondents surveyed by Talker Research, 51 percent admitted they catch less zzz’s sleeping next to their partner. A majority of individuals (63 percent) blamed their partner’s snoring as the culprit, while 52 percent said their partner tossing and turning during the night (including nighttime bathroom trips) causes their sleep disturbances.
Other times, according to 26 percent of participants, it comes down to you and your partner having different nighttime routines. Nearly a fifth of respondents chalked up their poor sleep to opposing preferences in room temperature.
“For many, falling asleep and staying asleep is difficult,” Laura Scott, director of brand marketing at Avocado Green Mattress, said of the survey’s results. “And perfectly controlling your bedtime or wind-down routine isn’t always possible, since life, and sometimes other people, often get in the way. That’s why having a cozy, personalized and supportive sleep environment is so vital for a good night’s rest.”
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For some couples, that means sleeping in separate beds, or getting a “sleep divorce.”
“In this arrangement, couples (who we should note very well may be otherwise happy and fulfilled in their relationship) decide to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms, whether that’s every night, only on weeknights, or on a more flexible schedule,” Best Life previously explained.
Although we don’t typically use the word “divorce” to indicate a positive solution, sleep divorce has proven beneficial in various studies. It’s a therapist-approved approach, too.
“Our ability to get supportive sleep is associated with our relational health. Partners who sleep better are more empathic, compassionate, intentional, and flexible,” Domenique Harrison, MPH, LMFT, LPCC, a relationship therapist known as The Racial Equity Therapist, told Best Life.
“A sleep divorce also invites partners to be open and direct about their needs, wants, and desires. Partners are more courageous, stand in their integrity, and take healthier relational risks,” she added.
As with any major change in a relationship, communication is key. The switch may even require you and your partner to cultivate a new bedtime routine, so that you can still prioritize quality time and intimacy.
“You can take turns tucking each other in, brush your teeth together, or just make sure to kiss each other goodnight. You can also make a point to hug and/or kiss when you get up in the morning,” Suzannah Weiss, relationship coach and resident sexologist for the pleasure product brand Biird, previously told Best Life.
She added, “Another fun thing to do might be to have occasional sleepovers and make a night of it. Make popcorn, watch a movie together, and cuddle before you fall asleep in the same bed.”